


Ghost Crime in the Streets

by Darkhymns



Series: The Great Detective Papyrus Mysteries! [5]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Detective Noir, Friendship, Gen, Mystery, Private Investigators
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 14:17:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7442410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkhymns/pseuds/Darkhymns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Introducing the Great (and Very Cool) Detective Papyrus as he starts his agency and provides invaluable services to those in need of said cool guy detective skeleton. After all, crime never sleeps! Or naps. Unlike his lazybones brother. But like all hardboiled detectives, he's going to need a partner...</p><p>A noir-themed story of how Papyrus and Undyne meet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Dashing Detective Dares to Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Short story that takes place before Sky's fanfic [Kidnappings in the Early Evening](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6985756/chapters/15918205). If you get a chance, read that first!
> 
> Testing out some fonts to make it look a bit more authentic. If you find them too distracting or too weird, feel free to press the hide creator's style button on the top and the fonts will return to normal. Let me know what you think of the new fonts! I'm debating on keeping them or not!

The building was run-down, plagued by crawling vermin, with the front door’s locks having rusted right off long ago. It was in such shambles that the cost to rebuild it again was not worth the price it was for buying it in the first place. Neither dedication nor vision could get it to the decent habitation it once was.

“SANS. THIS IS PERFECT.”

Both skeletons stared up at the dilapidated shutters, the cracked glass, the cheap paint that peeled off the building’s sides. It was located at a prime part of town… of the mostly abandoned part of town. Just twenty blocks away from the nearest comedy club and fifty blocks away from the all-night fries and burgs’ joint which had only burned down five times before. Located between these two locations though were some train stations where citizens came and went. All in all, it was the best that the Great Detective Papyrus hoped for when starting out his new crime-solving, puzzle-inducing career. And it was!

Papyrus had his hands on his hips, taking in the sight proudly. Sans was next to him, hands deep in the pockets of his blue jacket.

“heh, told ya, bro.”

Papyrus turned to his shorter brother with a frown. “WHILE I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOU FOR FINDING MY OFFICE OF HEADQUARTERS, I REALLY DO WISH YOU COULD PUT SOME THOUGHT INTO YOUR OUTFIT. AT LEAST.”

Sans looked entirely too pleased, but his shrug held nothing short of love for his sibling. “no worries, bro. i can just ride on your coattails for that instead.” He nudged Papyrus’ arm. “eh?”

Papryus, who was wearing a most fitting trench coat for his new profession (though with no coattails), complete with a fedora cap, only frowned even more. “UGH. YOU ARE SIMPLY THE WORST, SANS.” Then he smiled again. “BUT YOU ARE ALSO SIMPLY THE BEST FOR GETTING ME THIS BUILDING TO START MY ILLUSTRIOUS DETECTIVE AGENCY. HOW DID YOU DO THAT ANYWAY?”

“i just made a few calls.” Sans’ voice was so chill, he seemed ready to fall asleep on his feet. “told ‘em this was for the coolest bro around.”

“AWW.”

“and that he was going to be the next sherlock _bones._ ”

“OKAY, THAT’S ENOUGH.”

One of the hanging window shutters broke off its last hinge, clattering to the ground before them. The dust it kicked up made Papyrus cough a little bit. Sans didn’t even react at all.

“just needs a few perks here and there. then it’ll finally meet safety standards.”

“AH YES. A GOOD PROJECT FOR THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS. THE CASE OF…” He flicked the brim of his hat, then pointed a skeletal finger at his new (old?) office building. “THE ABANDONED BUILDING MAKEOVER. WHICH I WILL SOLVE.”

Sans gave a little clap with his bony palms, sounding like castanets. “rootin for ya.”

The skeletal finger swerved to Sans. “AND YOU WILL HELP ME. IT’LL BE GOOD WORK, AND THEN YOU WILL SEE WHY YOU SHOULD JOIN ME AS MY UP-AND-COMING CRIME-SOLVING PARTNER.”

“aw, gee, i’d love to, bro.” He turned to the side, slippers shuffling across the dirty sidewalk. “but i got a date with some cards i don’t wanna miss-”

“NO MORE SWINDLING.” Papyrus grabbed Sans by the hem of his hood, barely needing to stretch out far due to his long, gangly arms. “AND NO THRIFTING, NO DOUBLE-DEALING, NO SCAMMING, NO RACKETEERING OR ANY OTHER CLOSELY RELATED ACTIVITY.”

Sans, still with his smile, looked a little off-put. “hey, told ya i was past that.”

“AND NO BLACKMAILING.” Papyrus did his very best to look stern. “AND/OR EXTORTION.”

“come on, paps-”

“AND NO VAGUELY THREATENING PEOPLE EITHER. THAT ONE ESPECIALLY.”

“i only did that once.”

“TO A HUMAN CHILD.”

“they were beating up monster kid.”

“BUT YOU MUST NEGOTIATE FIRST AND FOREMOST. VIOLENCE IS A VERY VIOLENT THING. WHICH IS WHY THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS WILL DO HIS VERY BEST TO KEEP THIS CITY CLEAN OF SUCH TERRIBLE, VIOLENT THINGS.”

Sans, hanging from his jacket still, gazed at his taller, cooler brother with pride. “heh, i know you will.”

“AND I WILL ALSO CHANGE YOU FROM YOUR STREET SWINDLING WAYS.” He hefted Sans onto his shoulder like a fat sack of potatoes, then marched into the front door, which just collapsed at the first mere turn of the knob. “I’LL START WITH THE DUSTING AND YOU START WITH THE WINDOW CLEANING.”

Sans closed his eyes as he was carried, giving a lazy thumbs-up. “you got it.”

“NYEH HEH HEH! WITH YOUR HELP, BROTHER, WE WILL BE DONE FIXING UP THIS PLACE IN NO TIME AT ALL.”

* * *

Sans did not help with the clean-up. In fact, Sans had started washing one-window, called it a day, and then fell asleep with his skull pressed against the glass. His snores reverberated against the window, drool coming out the side of his mouth.

Papyrus didn’t wake him, however. He was too busy, getting into ‘the zone’ as he scrubbed clean the floor, the walls, the ceiling, and the brownstone bricks outside of the building. And though he may have very nearly snapped his vertebrae several times, nothing could stop him from getting his new office to spick and span. His cleaning apron, which he wore over his detective trench coat, was soon covered in cobwebs and dust splotches, along with the rest of his white bones. At first, he didn’t intend to get rid of the rats that lived here – it would have been rude! And this was their home after all! So, as a welcoming gift, he cooked spaghetti and even bought special cutlery of tiny porcelain plates with tiny forks for the rats to eat their tiny food. Unbeknownst to Papyrus, his food was the best rat deterrent there ever was, with each furry vermin having high-tailed it out of there before they could have seconds.

Once ordering the usual furniture for all private detectives to have; a large, mahogany desk, some gray filing cabinets, a coat rack, an old-fashioned telephone, a desk lamp, a slowly revolving ceiling fan, and some window blinds that one could never quite roll up correctly without it going askew in one direction, the Great Detective Papyrus agency was ready and open for business.

“so what about the rest of the building?” Sans asked once he finally woke up from his twelve-hour nap. “it’s all fixed but we got like three empty floors now.”

“SIMPLE, BROTHER.” Papyrus leaned back in his chair, which creaked wonderfully, as it should. “THE FIRST FLOOR WILL BE WHERE I WILL START OFF MY RESTAURANT AS THE GREAT SPAGHETORE CHEF. STARS FROM AROUND THE WORLD WILL RESERVE TO TASTE MY CULINARY, NOODLE-ISTIC ART.”

“i, uh, thought you wanted to be a detective, bro.”

“ _AND_ A FAMOUS CHEF. I, THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS, CAN AND WILL PURSUE MORE THAN ONE DREAM. AS SHOULD EVERYONE ELSE. ”

“that’s neat. so what about the third floor?”

“THAT IS WHERE I WILL SUBMERGE MYSELF IN DARKNESS AND ISOLATION DUE TO THE STRESSES I WILL EXPERIENCE CAUSED BY PURSUING TWO IMPROBABLE DREAMS AT ONCE.” He audibly winked. “IT IS ALWAYS GOOD TO BE PREPARED.”

Sans was silent, then, “neat.”

“NOW ALL I MUST DO IS WAIT FOR MY NEXT CASE TO ROLL IN. THAT PHONE, OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS, WILL BE RINGING OFF THE HOOK.”

In the next few days, that phone stayed on its receiver, nary falling off the hook even once.

But the Great Detective Papyrus was vigilant, seated at his desk 24/7 lest a phone call could have been missed. Sans mentioned maybe he should get a cell phone, too, so that he could actually leave the building. Papyrus assured him that that was simply not how the true classic private detectives handled their business.

While Sans was usually the epitome of patience, even he decided to leave the room for a while, assuring Papyrus that he was just going out to get some milk. That had been two weeks ago.

The phone continued to be silent…

Until it wasn’t.

_Ring ring!! Ring ring!!_

“OH MY GOD.”

Papyrus, who had been polishing the filing cabinets up to the point of their metallic surface being so blindingly bright, clambered over to the phone. His excitement got the best of him however. Long legs bounded straight across the desk, making him offshoot the landing and crash straight into the window instead.

Glass shards lay across the office floor, with no Papyrus in sight.

Then rapid footsteps pattered onto the stairs and Papyrus was back again, trench coat no worse for wear, though his fedora was slightly off-center from his skull. He made a jump for the desk again, and this time, slid across the surface, grasping the phone with an intense grip.

“HELLO, THIS IS THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS AGENCY,” he shouted politely. He then arranged himself neatly into his seat, and expertly spoke in a gruff tone, yet still so friendly, into the receiver, all the while having his fedora edged forward just a tad, to give him that perfect solitary private detective vibe. “THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS SPEAKING. NYEH HEH HEH! WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?”

“Um,” a small voice echoed over to him. “Hello, just, I was not expecting such a loud answer-”

“THAT IS QUITE ALRIGHT. WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS BELIEVES YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS.”

“Th- thank you?” They cleared their throat. “I just happened to see your flyers in the local laundromat, about, ‘Local Detective Will Solve Any Crime, Any Where, Any Time?’”

“OH YES, THAT IS ONE OF MINE.”

“The one with the stick drawing of a skeleton in a trench coat?”

“MY BROTHER DREW THAT. HE IS VERY TALENTED.”

“But there’s also a superhero cape, too, and you’re on a skateboard for some reason.”

“MY BROTHER LIKES TO EMPLOY ARTISTIC FREEDOM. I ALLOW IT.”

“Okay, well, anyway.” The voice grew more in confidence, almost too self-assured. “So that means you’ll, like, do jobs for people?”

“OF COURSE. THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS WILL ALWAYS-”

“So my little Bun-bun is stuck up on a tree. Can you go get him for me?”

“AH, A CLASSIC STUCK-IN-A-TREE MYSTERY.” Papyrus took up his notepad, getting ready to write down all the details. “AND YOU WOULD LIKE TO ME FIND JUST WHO PUT THIS PERSON, BUN-BUN?? IN A TREE??”

“No, you don’t need to. He got up there himself.”

“OH.” A pause. “BUT YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO INVESTIGATE THEN JUST WHY BUN-BUN CLIMBED THE TREE?”

“No, he was just being excitable again.”

“OKAY.” Another pause. “SO-”

“Could you just help me get him down from there? Your flyer said you would help anyone in need, is that right?”

“OF COURSE. I WILL ALWAYS DO MY BEST TO-”

“Okay, great. I don’t have money, but I’m just by the laundromat, and I have dinner reservations in an hour, so if we could hurry this up?”

“WELL THAT IS-”

“Great, thanks!” _Click,_ went the phone.

* * *

Sans finally came back later that night. He walked through the office door, a plastic bag hanging from his arm.

“heya, bro, got the milk. what’s…” Sans stopped for a moment, though his casual expression stayed the same. “uh, what’s up?”

“OH SANS.” Papyrus was as eager to greet his brother, not at all mindful that Sans had been gone long enough to file a missing person’s report. He stepped away from the new spagoffie machine he had erected by his desk. Spaghetti sloshed inside his mug as he walked forward, practicing his detective walk, like he saw in the movies. “YOU MISSED SEEING ME PUT MY DASTARDLY DETECTIVE SKILLS TO ACTION TODAY.”

“is that why there’s claw marks all over your trench coat?” Sans squinted his eye sockets a fraction. "and your face?”

Papyrus rubbed his forehead with his palm, where the imprint of tiny baby claws – three in parallel – had cut through the bone, but only a little bit! His fedora hat hid it well enough. “THE RISKS THAT COME WITH THE JOB. I DIDN’T TAKE ON THIS PRESTIGIOUS CAREER WITHOUT KNOWING THAT I WOULD BE GREETED WITH DANGER AT EVERY TURN. OTHERWISE WHY WOULD I TAKE THIS JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE?”

“makes sense.” Sans nodded. “got to chase some bad guys then?”

“WELL, ER, NO.” Papyrus turned away for a second, sloshing his spagoffie even more. Sauce spattered on the hardwood floors. “I MEAN, I HAD THE HONOR OF HELPING A TROUBLED CITIZEN OUT! OF A TREE! A SMALL FLUFFY CITIZEN. WHO DID NOT WANT TO GET OUT OF THE TREE. AND WHO APPARENTLY IS NOT VERY FOND OF HIS SISTER WHO MAKES HIM WEAR COLLARS AND TAKE HIM TO WALKS-”

“wow, she’s still doing that, huh?”

“WAIT, YOU KNOW HER?” Papyrus asked with the greatest of suspicions only suitable for the most gruff and grizzled of detectives.

“nah, but she knows me.” Sans winked, coupled with a shrug. “everybody knows me.”

After holding his glare, Papyrus then gave a small sigh, his back slightly hunched.

“you okay, bro?”

“NYEH. THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS IS ALWAYS OKAY. MORE THAN OKAY!”

“okay.”

A beat of silence passed.

“OKAY, FINE YOU CAUGHT ME. YOU’VE INTERROGATED ME LONG ENOUGH.”

“i didn’t-”

“SANS, I KNEW THAT MY ILLUSTRIOUS DETECTIVE AGENCY WOULD GO THROUGH HARD TIMES. THAT’S WHAT ALL GREAT PRIVATE EYES MUST EXPERIENCE AND STRIVE FOR! LIKE BROODING WALKS THROUGH THE SLEEPY STREETS, SEARCHING FOR TRUTH IN THE SEEDIEST PART OF TOWNS, AND CONVERSATIONS WITH FEMME FATALES THAT WILL LEAD ME INTO THEIR UNESCAPABLE CAGE OF DARK PASSION. OR MANLY FATALES, TOO! I WOULD NEVER DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN THE GENDERS. I’M SURE EVERYONE CAN BE A GREAT FATALE IF THEY TRIED!”

“yeah, you’re right.”

“ANYWAY…” Another sigh. Papyrus leaned against his desk, gangly limbs hanging off him like dead weights – or just weird offshoots of bone. “I HAVE ONLY HAD ONE AMAZING CASE THIS WHOLE TIME. WHY DOES SOMEONE LIKE ME MUST DO SO MUCH… JUST TO GET SOME RECOGNITION?”

At first, Sans didn’t respond right away. He looked to his taller brother with a mixture of pity, an expression that didn’t cross his face quite often. He patted a comforting hand against his brother’s knee with a dull clank. “no worries, bro. you’ll hit the big time. won’t be long before you come across a crime boss who has no shred of compassion and will soon become your arch rival and have his goons try to gun you down at every waking moment.”

Papyrus cheered up immediately. “OF COURSE, SANS. I JUST HAVE TO KEEP BELIEVING! SOON THE CRIMINALS OF THIS CITY WILL BE AFTER MY HEAD.”

“heh, let’s not get  _ahead_  of ourselves though.”

“SANS WHY DO YOU RUIN THE MOOD WHENEVER POSSIBLE?”

“cuz i love you, bro.”

“I LOVE YOU TOO, BUT SERIOUSLY WHY?”

“here, lemme make it up to you.” Sans gestured behind him, towards the door he left open. He gestured for someone to come in, though it took said someone to finally do so.

The ghost floated as nondescript as they possibly could. With large, white eyes, they looked to both skeletons with trepidation. A dapper-looking hat was perched atop their head, really completing the look of this armless, legless, completely incorporeal monster.

“oh… hello… is this the great detective papyrus… oh no.” The ghost looked at the door, seeing the words, “THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS” printed in thick, black letters on the glass window. “it was right there… yet i missed it completely… sorry to be so much trouble… oh noooo..”

“it’s fine, naps.” Sans assured. “don’t fade out just yet.”

The ghost faded back into an illusion of solidity, no longer disappearing into thin air. “okay…”

Papyrus bent down next to his brother, so he could whisper quite loudly into the location where the ear would be. “SANS. WHO IS THIS DAPPER LOOKING FELLOW?”

“napstablook.” Sans grinned. “your new client.”

“GASP!”

“heh, yeah. says they needs help with a local problem, something that only the most famous detective can solve.”

Papyrus looked both ways, then said extremely conspicuously, (“IS IT ME?”)

Sans answered, (“yes.”)

Napstablook looked around the office, trying their very best to blend in with the gray filing cabinets and the numerous boxes of pasta noodles that was perched at every conceivable corner. “i really don’t want to be a bother… i can just go… you looked like you were having fun without me…”

After inwardly squeeing from what lay ahead of him, Papyrus puffed out his chest, inching his hat down to dramatically shadow his bony face, like real detectives with a past full of dark turmoil did. He gruffly walked up to his shy client, his cheerful face contrasting sharply with his outfit.

“THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS IS HERE TO SOLVE ANY PUZZLE, CLOSE ANY CASE, AND PLAY THROUGH ANY MYSTERIES THAT CONFOUND US ALL. EXCEPT ME, THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS. NYEH HEH HEH!”

The ghost looked up at the tall, dashing skeleton with what could be called undisguised awe. Large eyes glazed over, their admiration plain. “oh… that is very impressive…”

“I KNOW!” Papyrus clattered over to the ghost, mindful of his brother who had just then decided to lay out on the floor and take a nap. He took out a notepad, flipping past several pages of self-portraits to get to an empty space. “PLEASE TELL ME, IN EXCRUCIATING DETAIL, WHAT TROUBLES YOU SO AND HOW YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO HELP!”

Napstablook aimed their still awe-struck gaze downwards. If they possessed any feet, they would have been scuffling them against the floor. “oh… just something… it’s probably not a big deal or anything…”

“NONSENSE.” Papyrus knelt down to the ghost’s level, his smile so blinding it rivaled with the desk lamp’s brightness. “I AM SURE WHAT YOU HAVE IS QUITE A BIG DEAL, AND THAT IT IS SOMETHING SO DIRE, SO DANGEROUS, AND PERHAPS QUITE LIFE-DESTROYING. A CASE THAT IS WORTHY OF THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS.”

“oh, i guess…. when you put it that way…” Napstablook edged their eyes back up, a shy smile on the what could be assumed was their face. “there is… from a house… some things were changed-”

“YOU HAVE SUFFERED A THEFT?” Papyrus interrupted boldly. “A BURGLARY AT YOUR HOME?”

“oh, i-im sorry…” Napstablook said with such despondence. “i wasn’t very clear… it’s the home right next to mine, but i take care of it, too… it used to belong to my cousin before they moved. but lately, i keep hearing strange sounds in the night… and when i check in during the day, things aren’t stolen, really… but, i think, it looks like someone is living there right now.”

“SO, NOT A BURGLARY, BUT A TRESPASSING, YOU SAY?” The skeleton detective scribbled furiously in his notepad, sometimes tearing the paper just a bit in his haste.

“is that what it should be called? i’m sorry, i should have known…” The ghost was dangerously trying to blend in with the ravioli noodle-printed wallpaper of the office. (Not part of the usual private-eye affair, but Papyrus was allowed one indulgence at the least!) “there’s no one in there during the day, but i noticed the bed has been slept in… that the stove has been used… there are a lot of scorch marks on it… and that the dresser has been moved…. like someone was trying to lift it…”

Papyrus snapped shut his tiny notepad and puffed out his detective chest. “SAY NO MORE, DEAR BLOOKS. I, THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS, WILL SOLVE THIS CASE OF THE MYSTERIOUS NEXT-DOOR-VANDALISM! NYEH HEH HEH! SANS!” He turned to his brother who was still half-in his sudden nap. “I WILL GO ACCOMPANY THIS DAPPER CLIENT OF MINE TO SOLVE THE CASE. TAKE CARE OF THE OFFICE WHILE I GO DEDUCE THIS PUZZLE OF THE CENTURY.”

“ya got it, bro.” Sans made an a-ok sign with his stubby fingers. “make sure to take the (snrk) bonemobile.”

“AH, OF COURSE.” Papyrus was already going about the office, stuffing all that he would need into his coat pockets (magnifying glass, extra notepads, a couple of aces here and there) “AND CALLING IT THAT WILL SURELY GRAB PEOPLE’S ATTENTIONS, WILL IT? TO BE AWARE OF THE NEW, HIP, AND COOL DETECTIVE IN TOWN?”

“it’ll grab people’s attentions, all right,” Sans said through barely constrained laughter.

“bonemobile…” Napstablook repeated quietly, before their detective stood next to them.

“COME, BLOOKS. IT’S TIME TO SOLVE THIS CASE.”

With that, Papyrus dashed out into the hallway, nyeh-heh-hehing all the way, while the shy ghost floated behind him.


	2. A Haunting Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Undyne met Papyrus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Reposted since AO3's emails were being delayed. Sorry if this got sent to your email twice!)
> 
> Sky inputted font styles for this story! (Both chapters). Just a new thing we wanted to try. You can also feel free to press the hide creator's style button on the top and the fonts will return to normal.

She remembered the scent of chrysanthemums in the air when she went to see him.

“Hey, big guy.”

“Yes, Undyne?”

She handed him a folded-up piece of paper across the store countertop. There were no customers in the tiny florist shop, no other bodyguards around, no lingering children. Just her. And him.

“My resignation letter,” she said tonelessly.

Asgore stared for a moment, shifting brown eyes from her to the hand proffering its item. He looked so ludicrous in his gardening outfit; a cloth apron stained with dirt splotches and grass streaks, his hands enveloped in thick gloves meant for shifting around thick packs of fresh soil, as well as the large pair of shears that he wore on his waist like it was a sword. But the blades were dull enough to barely cut through paper – which was the perfect amount of sharpness for pruning leaves, apparently.

Undyne shifted around her tie with her other hand, trying not to lose any of her composure. She had fixed up her pinstripe suit better than usual; all buttoned up, with barely any wrinkles in the material. Her outfit was so crisp, having been ironed to nearly obsessive shades the night before. She had to make a good impression on this.

When he wouldn’t take her letter, she placed it firmly on the counter. “I’m leaving the Family, starting today.”

Asgore looked pensive. With a deep sigh, he took off his gardening gloves, slinging them into one of the deep pockets of his apron. The large goat monster, framed by flowerpots filled with white roses, bright sunflowers, and a rainbow array of tulips, looked nothing short of being the big, fuzzy pushover, but good-hearted guy that he was.

Undyne swallowed. Except…

“Where will you go then?”

That had caught her off guard. She had expected questioning, maybe a few tears (Asgore was always so emotional about stuff, and she kinda liked that about him) but not this kind of questioning. He said it so seriously then, like a businessman.

Undyne brushed away her unease, and gave a sharp-toothed smile. “Wherever I want to! I just feel like it’s time I find my own thing, you know?” She flung back her hair, lifting up a muscular arm to clench her equally muscular fist. “Maybe I’ll get to go on adventures and solve crimes! Lay down both the law and justice on folks!”

The moment she said that, something passed in Asgore’s eyes. But it was so quick and faint, that she convinced herself later on that she only imagined such a thing.

He finally smiled afterwards, clasping his hands together. He still didn’t reach for the letter. “A little excitement in life never hurts. I suppose all children must leave their home, don’t they?”

“Pfft, I ain’t no kid, Asgore. It’s not like I won’t come by and visit!”

Asgore’s smile brightened. “I very much look forward to that. And… The Family, too, will miss you dearly. Especially the guards.”

“I know.” She stuck her hands in her pockets, finally letting herself slouch just slightly. “I trained Greater Dog to help pick up some of my duties. Doggo will be helping him out, too… With Greater’s eyes and Doggo’s ability to read, they’ll do just fine together.” She flashed him another grin before turning towards the shop’s entrance. “See? I can make preparations pretty well, huh?”

“Can I ask though, Undyne?”

She was barely out the door, the little bell ringing as she placed one foot out on the sidewalk. It looked like Asgore wasn’t avoiding the question after all.

“What brought this on? Please, you can tell me.” He spoke to her gently, patiently. So much like a dad. He was like everyone’s dads, wasn’t he? “What changed?”

She swallowed again. Her fingers flexed around the doorknob, making it slightly rattle.

_You did. No. Maybe I did. I’m not sure anymore._

“It doesn’t matter, big guy.” She turned toward him with another smile. “I’ll catch ya later, okay?”

It had been raining that day, like every day.

* * *

 

Undyne plodded her way down the sidewalk, coat drenched, hair soaked to the scales of her face. She was glad for it… except the soggy cigarettes that filled her left coat pocket. It was too annoying to go buy another pack right now. Not like it did much to relax her nowadays.

Things sucked when you were jobless.

When she rounded the corner, she was met with a twin pair of homes, situated in the more fringe part of town. Both were perfectly symmetrical in their odd-shaped architecture, each leaning away from each other like morose blobs. One was painted blue, while the other was in gentle pink shades. Their lonely windows and otherworldly atmosphere was enough to tell most monsters that only ghostly occupants were allowed to inhabit these premises.

She never liked rules much anyway.

Keeping quiet, she slipped through the front door, which opened easily at her motion. (She had kicked it down several days before). The place was painfully bright, still in that nauseating pink and pastel décor, from the ceiling to the carpeted floors. The walls were not spared from the color, though their space was occasionally filled with posters of shining celebrities, and there being the random assortment of glitter that coated the cabinets and dressers. It was really such an eyesore, and it wasn’t Undyne’s first choice of homes she would stay in, but things sucked when you were both jobless _and_ homeless. She had been left with no other options, and she didn’t want to take up Alphys’ place, especially as Alphys was still working for Asgore…

Besides, it’s not like she was going to give up! But she was going to nap. Just for a little bit.

It didn’t help what she kept hearing on the streets these days. Even though the Family’s reputation still held up well; building homes, feeding the poor, donating to charity, taking in the abandoned, extending a hand to both monster and human.

But there were rumors, whispers, and small tellings she didn’t want to repeat, even in the comfort of her own mind. The Family was always there, hanging out like silhouettes, taking in those who were long-forgotten, for the best, and only for the best.

Once, he had told her that he had a duty to uphold. He had been wrapping up a bouquet for an old couple’s anniversary at the time. He could’ve been speaking about any other thing though, anything else that was just as innocuous and as innocent as those flower petals.

_Asgore, what have you been doing?..._

Draping her wet coat onto the floor, and pushing away one of those weird diaries from her path, she made her way to the bed. A yawn cracked her jaw, which prompted her to crack her fingers for that extra layer of comfort. Just a few inches away until sleepy-time on this stale, musty mattress. She didn’t need to think. She didn’t need to browse through the bars one more time this night. She didn’t need to track down the last clues for another missing person. People went missing all the time, a fact of life. She didn’t need to think about the skeletons in other people’s closets now. Just some sleep would help her, that was all.

Then a skeleton jumped out of her closet.

 _“Cease and desist, trespasser!”_ he freaking bellowed.

So Undyne did what any reasonable person would do.

She immediately punched the skeleton square in the face.

“NGAHHH WHAT THE HELL?!”

Said skeleton flew backwards to the floor while Undyne cradled her hand. (Punching solid bone can really do a number on a person, even if said person was covered with scales). She stared down at him with distaste, her mind making leaps and bounds as to why someone else was here. It was a ludicrous scene; a steaming fish and a skeleton whose skull may or may not have been cracked, both in a room that looked like the aftermath of a glitter hurricane.

For a moment, she thought she had knocked him out cold. But then with unseemly grace, the guy folded his legs, and vaulted straight to his feet. His dumb fedora hat stayed glued to his skull. It was cocked forward, draping shadows all over the front of his face.

 _“Well,”_ he said, his voice still loud, but controlled, like the beat of silence that followed after a gunshot. _“Is this your way then of surrendering to the power of the law?”_ Boney fingers fixed up his tie, brushing out the wrinkles in the fabric from their previous mishap.

Something about the way he calmly fixed himself set her teeth on edge. Her sole eye twitched. Knuckles tightened.

“I surrender to _no one!!”_

She summoned her spear instantly, facing the trench-coat wearing monster standing tall on those weirdly long legs of his. She grinned, thirsty for some adrenaline-filled action after three months of listlessness and boredom.

“Bring it, punk!”

With a clacking of bones, the skeleton braced himself, head bowed low, his hat still hiding his features. _“Maam, as civilized monsters, we can resolve this situation in a calm and timely manner-”_

“Civilize _this!”_

Chaos enveloping her, Undyne instantly charged into him, crashing them both through the wall of this house… and right into the next.

Amid wooden planks, plaster, and other debris, she looked up, finding a lonely-looking ghost floating some feet away. They had a pair of ghost headphones, hovering near a ghost computer, as ghost tunes played from a ghost vinyl player.

“oh no…” the ghost said. “my house got in the way… i’m so sorry…”

The skeleton was underneath her, his fedora hat finally off, but now lying smack-dab in the middle of his face. Before she could do anything, she felt _something_ grip at her soul. Her eye shifted all around her in surprise, finding out that none of her limbs worked! What? This wasn’t green magic, the aura that took hold of her was blue…

Then the skeleton detective shot out his arm, not even touching her. She was pushed back, nearly sent flying into the rainstorm, away from the ruined houses. Her sense of gravity became completely skewed.

With a grimace, Undyne regained her composure. She broke out of the magic hold, landing on her feet. She continued gripping her spear in her right hand. The dizziness of her flight passed, the world back on its correct levels once more.

The skeleton was already on his feet again, a bone club in his hand, his hat back on the correct side of his head. Again, she couldn’t see his face, lost even more to the shadows and the falling rain.

“So you’re pretty freaking tough, huh?” Undyne grinned. It was a tight grin though, the kind you tried to force onto your face, fearful you might reveal something else in its place. She straightened, stretching the kinks in her neck. Her clothes were definitely ruined by this point, unless there was a dry-cleaner in town who could wring out all the plaster and wall shards out of the fabric.

The skeleton calmly walked out of the rubble, paying little attention to the blank faced ghost who watched the confrontation through their recently constructed window. He held his bone club beside him like a tire iron. Could probably use it that way, too.

 _“So are you,”_ he told her. Damn, the way he sounded like he wanted to shout at her was… unnerving. She could tell he did all he could to control his voice, as if it was a physical thing that he held back with losing strength.

Who was he? _What_ was he? It couldn’t have been-

No, Asgore wouldn’t have sent someone after her. Especially not this guy.

She held out the end of her spear at him, the glow of it scaring off the shadows of the street. Thunder rumbled, one she felt deep in her chest. “So who are you? A cop?” She snickered. “Nah, they don’t do much. You a hitman? Someone got tired of me checking out their business?”

It had been a joke, but the way the other didn’t laugh lifted up all her suspicions. She didn’t need to see his face – she could tell he was conveying all he could to her that was serious and nothing but.

 _“I’m Detective Papyrus,”_ he said politely. Still, that threat of the violently high decibels that was his voice lingered in the aftermath of his speech. _“I’m here to deal with you.”_

Deal with… “Who sent you?”

 _“My client’s identity is strictly under my confidence,”_ he said with utter conviction. _“Now, come with me quietly, and we won’t have any trouble.”_

“Really?” She stomped a booted foot into a puddle. Her teeth gritted hard, painful. “And where are you taking me?”

 _“Somewhere safe.”_ He nodded, like it was an obvious thing. _“A new home.”_

“New Home?” she blurted out. New Home. That was Asgore’s place, the unofficial name for his house/florist shop. So this guy was really after her.

Asgore wasn’t letting her go.

 _“It is for your own good,”_ spoke the so-called detective.

Just the thing ol’ Fluffybuns would say.

“I’m not going anywhere!” Her soul filled with justice, she held out her left hand, summoning another spear, its bright light surrounding her, protecting her. “If the big guy wants me, he has to come here and face me like a real warrior! Not send his little lackey after me!”

The skeleton said nothing at first. He seemed to consider something, though that was all she could guess at. No matter how much light her spears produced, it could never lift away the shadows surrounding this detective. _“The big guy, as you call him…”_ He lifted his head, and only then could she see the faint streak of white that was his chin, sharp and angular. _“He has been through so much because of you. You have a chance to end these wrongs.”_

Okay, if that didn’t cinch it… Undyne took a deep breath, moving her wet hair out of her eye, hand upturned to the rain like a source of strength. “And what would you know?”

It looked like he had been waiting for this moment.

The skeleton – Papyrus – stuck his bone club into the ground, like a sword waiting to be plucked. He bowed his head, somehow looking more mysterious than before. _“I know who you are.”_

She stilled, eyeing every part of this guy carefully. From that shoddy hat, to those expensive looking shoes.

_“You’re a dame that is trying to run away from her past. It’s been a tough road for you – tougher than most. You look for answers in all the wrong places – in run-down bars, in darkened alleyways, and in the Tem-shops with their items of questionable origin.”_

Undyne was silent. The wind was howling, and it made her more unnerved by the second. Her fists clenched, mentally debating on what her next course of action should be.

Papyrus, by contrast, paced back and forth, his shoes splashing through the forming puddles, his trench coat flowing out from him like the half-torn wing of a bird of prey. The rain continued pouring down, water drops sliding off his fedora hat in strange patterns. Undyne wasn’t one to be impressed much, (seriously, that dumb fedora) but the backdrop of the rainy, thunder-filled sky against a pondering detective, his skeletal fingers perched on his chin, the top of his face still lost in shadow, always near that bone club just inches away from his free hand – it was hard to _not_ be impressed. Like something out of those gritty comic books she once read back in the day.

_“You’ve been in a lonely place for a while, and you know well that you should avoid bumping shoulders with strangers on the street. You don’t like dishonesty. You search for justice wherever it exists in this world. But life throws you these curveballs, see, and so now you are not sure what to believe in anymore. So you keep looking for the truth, but, at the same time, you’re not sure if you really want to anymore.”_

So the guy had done his homework, probably interrogated every informant she had come across, promising them Asgore’s help by ratting her out. She should pay them back, just after she beat this guy, packed her things, and demand from him more explanations. Such as why Asgore was doing this, what had happened, what had changed?

_“But truth and justice drives you. It is all you have left to believe in. Its driven you so far that you’ve had to bend the rules to keep going. Which is why you’ve broken into this house. You have nowhere left to turn, and you’re getting desperate.”_

It was enough. Undyne straightened. The rain made her eyepatch itch, made her hair stick to her shoulders. Yet she remained still, keeping her gaze on the skeleton detective. Asgore had sent him. No question about it.

 _So old Fluffybuns wants to deal with me now…_ She hated thinking that. She didn’t want to believe that all the rumors of him were true, but then, the guy was right. She was looking for the truth, and here it was, in all its ugly glory.

 _“Now that I’ve explained myself…”_ The skeleton faced her again. _“We should end this. Put down your weapon and come with me.”_

He still had a lot to learn.

“Well,” she taunted, her mouth back into a grin, vicious and ready for anything. “Come get me then! But believe me when I say…” Here she laughed, holding out both spears. “You’re gonna have to try a little harder than _that._ ”

Lightning flashed across the sky, illuminating the streets in all its lurid glory; from the caved-in walls of the houses, to the silhouette of a shy ghost in one of those houses. Their face was turned away, holding what appeared to be a ghost telephone in their hand. Undyne paid them no attention. She glared at Papyrus, having seen the flash reveal the face underneath that stupid, _stupid_ hat. That grin of his had looked so abnormal...

“Come on already!” she shouted. She waved around her spears, spraying water around her as the rain continued to fall. “Fight me!”

He paused, his own weapon still stuck in the ground. She knew it. What a coward! _“This doesn’t have to come to violence.”_

“Are you kidding? Of course it does! But if you won’t make the first move…” She suddenly pounced forward, her red hair stretching out behind her. “Then I will!”

When her spears struck, it was at a heart-stopping speed, as quick as the streaks that cut through the sky. She swung out with her left arm, the spear tip aimed directly at the skeleton’s hat. Magic crackled – but it was a miss. The skeleton had bent over backwards, dodging her blow, like he was doing the limbo.

The guy had good reflexes (with flexible bones to boot) – but not that good. Undyne then swung her other spear with her right, catching him square in the midriff.

He flinched, then “OW!”

Honestly, that little exclamation caught her by surprise. She even stopped her momentum, along with her following move, which would’ve been a suplex to the rainy ground. That second of hesitation was enough, as the detective instantly recovered, grasping his bone club and using it to push her spear aside.

Before she was shoved back, she had seen his face, illuminated by the bluish glow of her spears. That detective, Papyrus, was indeed a skeleton and he had…

…Looked really goofy?? His eyes had bulged out of his sockets when she hit him, which was really hard to take kinda seriously…

The skeleton faced her, holding up his weapon. _“This grizzled detective will not be bested by __you_ _!”_

She shook her head. Didn’t matter how weird the guy looked. He was clearly pretty tough, although she thought she heard a crack in his voice. An idea formed in her head. “Ha! If you think so, then prove it!” She gestured him over. “Come over and hit me! Strike me down!”

The detective appeared to hesitate. He stood still, the rain pouring over them both in a never-ending torrent. Then the skeleton visibly gulped – somehow. _“If you say so!”_

He rushed over to her, holding his bone weapon up high. His boots stomped harshly through the puddles, his sharp limbs jutting out as he ran. Given his height, his outfit, his face back to being half-obscured in shadow, and the heavy weapon he carried, any other monster would have ran for it by now. But Undyne wasn’t running. She braced herself as the bone club swung downwards, aiming straight for her head.

She grinned in anticipation. As if a little blunt force trauma ever stopped her!

The club lightly tapped her scales.

The rain continued to pour.

“…Is that it?”

The skeleton was close to her again, the brim of his hat upturned slightly. He must have pulled it up further for better sight. Looking at him now, his perma-grin didn’t look so manic or eerie as it did before. It was a pretty genuine smile, though a little distressed. But she wouldn’t let her guard down! Not when he could-

“N- NYEH!” he shouted/panted. “ARE YOU… READY… (HUFF) TO GIVE UP?”

Undyne stared.

Despite having his weapon, the detective was open on all sides. She could have roundhouse-kicked him in the face if she wanted to, or used her green magic to keep him trapped, or give him a good whack with her spears. But. She wouldn’t do that, not when she saw how much of a goofball this guy really was.

That, and his voice no longer seemed as threatening.

“IT’S CLEAR TO ME… THAT… I’M SORRY, ONE MOMENT.” Papyrus plunked his bone club back in the ground again, though he did so this time with less vigor. He heaved in his breaths before facing her again. “OKAY. TO BE CONTINUED… NOW! IT IS CLEAR TO ME THAT YOU CAN’T DEFEAT ME! WE ARE AT AN IMPASSE, SO TO SPEAK?” He paused. “YES??”

He waited for her, as if she actually had an answer. “Why are you asking me?”

“TO NOT BE RUDE.”

“Oh.” Her eye shifted. “Yes, then?”

“OKAY, GOOD. ANYWAY, I CAN SEE YOU SHAKING IN YOUR BOOTS. SO I, THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS, ELECT TO GRANT YOU PITY… AS LONG AS YOU TOTALLY GIVE UP.” He looked at her eagerly, like a little kid at a monster truck rally. “SO DO YOU GIVE UP???”

Undyne _never_ gave up. Ever! But this monster detective was not anyone she had expected. The guy hadn’t even scratched her! She looked closer at him, saw the middle of his buttoned up trench coat sporting a long tear across his stomach. Usually, she’d be ecstatic seeing the marks of her battle-winning prowess on her opponent, but… not this time. Not really.

Papyrus followed her eyes, and his smiling face instantly transformed to sadness. He sighed. “MY DASTARDLY DEDUCTIVE DETECTIVE COAT. NOW ALL RIPPED AND TORN. I SUPPOSE SUCH THINGS COME WITH THE JOB.”

Geez, she actually felt bad about it. She growled, irritated. Why should she feel bad? He had challenged her to begin with!

“How long have you been a detective?” she asked harshly.

Papyrus looked confused, but not for long. “OH, FOR ABOUT TWO WEEKS NOW EXACTLY!” He nodded enthusiastically. “INSPIRED BY MY HANDY DANDY GRITTY DETECTIVE MANUALS! THEY ARE QUITE USEFUL, AS THEY PROVIDE MANY POSSIBLE EXAGGERRATED SCENARIOS FOR CRIME SOLVING IN THEIR DRAMATICALLY SHADED, DYNAMIC-POSING DETAIL.”

Detective manuals? Exaggerated scenarios? Dramatic shading???

“Are you talking about comic books?”

Papyrus crossed his arms. “I SUPPOSE THAT IS ONE TERM TO DESCRIBE THEM AS.”

And suddenly… she couldn’t hate this guy.

“Hey, no kidding!” She clenched her fists. “That’s where you learned all your stuff, huh? From those comic history book deals?”

Papyrus stared at her with some surprise. His wide grin became even wider. “OF COURSE. IN ORDER TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, YOU MUST LEARN TO TAKE FROM REAL-LIFE SOURCES.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s what I do, too! They really teach you how to be tough in the face of insurmountable odds!”

“YES!” Papyrus agreed happily. “AND HOW TO ADEQUATELY SUFFER THROUGH INTERNAL ANGST AND QUESTION YOUR EVERY DECISION THAT HAS LED YOU UP TO THIS POINT IN LIFE. LIKE A REAL TORTURED DETECTIVE.”

_“YEAH!”_

It took her a moment to realize just what she was doing. Fraternizing with the enemy, with the guy that was sent to take her down and interrupt her own internal investigations. But… she could tell this skeleton was a big, bony pushover. He got some of the fighting basics down, no kidding. But he lacked that edge that real, grizzled detectives were supposed to have. There was only so much that history books could teach.

“DID YOU LIKE MY SPEECH THOUGH?” he asked her, hands brought up to his chin in excitement. He looked like he was trying extra hard to not giggle into them. “I LEARNED HOW YOU MUST ALWAYS BE IN THE SHADOWS WHEN DELIVERING YOUR MONOLOGUES. I PRACTICED IN FRONT OF A MIRROR A LOT. AND WITH MY BROTHER, BUT HE KEPT INTERRUPTING MY SPEECH WITH NON-SEQUITERS OR WHATEVER HE CALLS THEM. BUT DID YOU LIKE IT THOUGH? IT WAS REALLY HARD BECAUSE OF ALL THE LIGHTNING AND STUFF.”

Lightning flashed again, making Papyrus flinch and Undyne smile. Seeing the skeleton relate his undeniable passion for the occupation, his dedication, his enthusiasm… it relieved her a bit.

“Yeah, I saw you give it full one-hundred percent!” She laughed, her cheeks hurting from a grin that she couldn’t seem to let go of. It wasn’t so bad. “Still, it’s pretty obvious you need a few lessons, gumshoe. For one thing, I’m _not_ a dame. I’m more of a…” She found her answer quickly, giving a short laugh. “I’m a piece of work, really.”

“OH? IS THAT WHAT YOUR FRIENDS CALL YOU?”

Well, it had been a while since she chatted with her actual friends. Best to cut off all ties, in case she dragged one of those furry guys down with her. “Actually.” She thought back to her last bar mishap, “they call me a tough customer, but those guys are just punks anyway.”

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE A CUSTOMER OF EXACTLY, BUT YOU ARE INDEED VERY TOUGH. ALMOST AS TOUGH AS ME. NYEH HEH HEH!”

Geez, that was not the laugh of a grizzled P.I. but she hadn’t found it in her heart to correct him.

“Heh, yeah, I even thought you were a gunny at first?” She saw Papyrus tilt his head. “You know… a hired gun? A thug? Come on, 12th issue of Mad Dog’s Twilight, chapter 7! You should know!”

“OH. I HAVEN’T GOTTEN THAT ISSUE YET. MY BROTHER KEEPS SAYING HE’LL ORDER THE NEXT ONE FOR ME.”

“Man, your brother must be a real heel.”

“WHO??”

The earnestness of that question made her realize something. This wasn’t anything that she would usually bother with, but, with how many times he’d repeated his name to her, she thought it only fair. And, it was clear to her now, there was no way this guy was sent by Asgore.

She still had her spears out, holding onto them with comforting familiarity. She had to think more than twice to de-materialize her weapons. Cracking her fingers, she then held out one hand to him. “Name’s Undyne.”

Papyrus took her hand with the utmost friendliness. And not a fake one either. “GREETINGS, UNDYNE! I AM PAPYRUS! NICE TO MEET YOU!”

Before she could say anything back, she noticed the door to one of the ghost houses open. The ghost with the headphones appeared, hovering over their stoop. Oh yeah! She had forgotten them completely.

Napstablook floated to them through the rain – literally, as the raindrops only went through the monster’s form to join with the puddles on the road.

“i hope… nobody is hurt…” they said.

“NOT TO WORRY, MY DAPPER CLIENT! THIS WOULD-BE CRIMINAL WILL SURRENDER PEACEFULLY, LEAVING YOUR HOUSE TO BE FULLY ABANDONED ONCE MORE.”

Well, Undyne hadn’t technically surrendered, and despite all this neat talk in the rain, she really wanted to go to sleep. She’d have to deal with the hole in the wall now, but having wind and water constantly inside didn’t sound so bad! Before she could thing on it more, the ghost handed over something flat and rectangular in their nubby hands.

“hello…I’m sorry, but I meant to give you this before…”

It was a piece of paper – and not the ghost variety. There was an official seal on it, along with really long-winded sentences that was a real pain to read. But giving up was for losers!

After a moment, she understood completely.

“It’s a restraining order,” she said tonelessly.

Napstablook looked really morose. “yeah… my ghost lawyers said it would be best…”

Papyrus grinned happily. “WELL THAT SETTLES THAT.” He puffed out his chest as he stood tall. “THUS THE CASE OF THE MYSTERIOUS NEXT-DOOR-VANDALISM HAS BEEN SOLVED BY NONE OTHER THAN THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS. NYEH HEH HEH!”

“So can I at least get my stuff back?” Undyne questioned.

The ghost clearly didn’t want to be here, or anywhere else. Actually, if it was no trouble at all, they would rather not exist at the moment, thank you. “sorry… since it’s my property, all your belongings are now in my possession… i’ve been advised to keep them and use them to recuperate the financial losses i’ve sustained by your damage to both my houses…” Napstablook faced her head-on, their wide eyes brimming with tears. “i know that this is a lot of trouble… i’m so sorry…”

“Uh, hey it’s uh… it’s… okay. Don’t worry about it.” She saw the ghost’s tears form. “Seriously! It’s fine! As if I need my sword collection that bad!” She was really gonna miss that sword collection.

Napstablook didn’t look convinced. “ok…. i’m still really sorry…” They floated backwards to their house, regret in each and every one of their words. “i wish it could be different… thanks, guys… goodbye…” They closed the door, but Undyne could still see Napstablook lean their head through the caved-in wall of their home. For a ghost, they weren’t very stealthy.

“Now I need a new place,” she said offhandedly. She remembered the coat she had left inside the house. “And new clothes.” She wondered if some of the retreats for the homeless were still open at this hour-

Undyne shifted her gaze, noticing Papyrus’ look.

It was filled with happy determination.

“I KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO!”

* * *

 

In the hallway of the Great Detective Papyrus agency, one of the fluorescent ceiling lights flickered on and off. Not because it was actually broken, but because Papyrus had meticulously arranged the electric wiring to do just that. To fit the setting, he had said. Or to be precise, Sans had arranged the wiring after Papyrus electrocuted himself about six times. Luckily, bones don’t always make the greatest of conductors.

“so, bro,” Sans said, standing just outside the office door. There was a glass of milk in his hand – the last of the milk, of course. “you invited over a breaking-and-entering criminal to the office, offered them a place to crash, and loaned them your expensive detective clothes after knowing them for the span of one whole hour?”

Papyrus’ back was to the door, blocking out the agency’s name with his skull. With only a murky-red colored carpet for the floor, a dying ficus on one wall, and the flickering light, his detective atmosphere was undeniably perfect.

“YES. IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.”

“heh.” Sans winked. “and that’s why you’re the greatest, bro.”

Papyrus tapped his foot excitedly. “UNDYNE HAS REALLY BEEN DOWN ON HER LUCK. I HAVE A SIXTH SENSE ABOUT THESE THINGS. OR A THIRD SENSE? I LACK MOST OF THEM. BUT WITH NO HOME AND NO CLOTHES, I THINK SHE COULD REALLY USE A FRIEND… AND NEW CLOTHES DEFINITELY.”

“yeah, you and her looked pretty beat-up.”

“AND BESIDES, THE AGENCY NEEDS A FRESH FACE AROUND HERE.”

Sans paused in his milk drinking. “we hiring?”

“NOW WE ARE.” Hand on his hip, Papyrus tipped back his hat to dramatically pose. “EVERY DETECTIVE NEEDS A PARTNER, AND I THINK UNDYNE HAS WHAT IT TAKES.”

“does she know she’s going to be your partner?”

“NOT YET. BUT I AM CERTAIN SHE WILL LOVE THE SURPRISE.”

“sounds good.” Sans leaned against the wall with extreme carelessness. The glass of milk was nowhere to be found. “that means i don’t have to do anything.”

“NYEH HEH HEH! DON’T WORRY, BROTHER. YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE HERE AT THE AGENCY.” A snap of his bony fingers echoed harshly through the hallway. “YOU CAN BE MY INFORMANT. THEN YOU CAN ACTUALLY PUT YOUR SEEDY WAYS TO GOOD USE.”

“whatever works, bro.”

The door slammed open inwards, enough to slightly crack the window in it. Neither skeleton paid any mind to the damage.

Papyrus was giddy with joy, bouncing on his feet. “IT IS BETTER THAN I IMAGINED. AND I AM VERY IMAGINATIVE.”

Sans gave their new fishy friend a thoughtful look. “whaddya know? the threads look good on ya.”

Undyne looked down at her get-up; long-flowing trench coat, a tie perched on her shirt collar, though it lacked the tight belt that Papyrus’ own outfit had. She had her own matching hat, which she chose not to wear.

She flapped the trench coat around a little, tearing away a button or two in the process. “Of course I look good!” she told them, flashing a smile. “It’s not the first time I wore suits. It’s way comfy though.”

“WHAT A LUCKY COINCIDENCE THAT WE BOTH HAVE THE SAME COAT SIZES.”

Undyne looked at the hat again, blinked, then plopped it on top Sans’ head as if he was a tiny hat rack. “I’m gonna pass on this.”

“BUT!” Papyrus pleaded. “YOUR MYSTERIOUS IMAGE!”

“I’m plenty mysterious. Besides, I’m better off being tough! Check it!” She flexed her arms, stretching out the material of her coat to rip through the fabric. “YEAH!”

Sans gave a thumbs up, the hat still engulfing his face. “cool.”

Despite some brief dismay over one of his spare coats being torn, Papyrus still put on a bright smile. “I AM JUST SO EXCITED THAT YOU ARE FINALLY TURNING YOUR LIFE AROUND. WITH YOU, THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS AGENCY WILL BE EVEN BETTER THAN BEFORE.”

Undyne unflexed, staring at Papyrus with a quiet look. “Hey, not like I’m not grateful for you giving me a place to sleep, and new clothes to wear, but I’m not sure I’m ready for full-on job yet.”

“yeah, me neither.”

“SANS, SHE’S NOT YOU.”

“but what if she was though?”

“I WILL WONDER AT THE CRUELTY OF THIS WORLD.”

“Anyway, who cares about that stuff now?” Undyne grinned viciously. “I still got my wallet, so, how about I buy you guys some nice cream? My treat! Just as thanks for helping me.”

“sweet.”

“WHY, YES, THAT SOUNDS VERY-” Papyrus stopped to glare down at his brother, but Sans was already continuing.

“and i know a shortcut.”

“Pff, yeah, do we actually need one? It’s just across the street-”

The shortcut happened faster than Undyne had expected. Before she could quite get her bearings, she found herself standing outside a nice cream parlor, the flavors written on a poster that hung in front of its large windows, complete with messages of motivation that sounded more sickeningly sweet than the actual flavors. (One fine example was Strawberry Sugar Beam of Happy Smiles – with a dash of turbo tapioca.)

“fast shortcut, eh?”

* * *

The pouring weather never let up; a balanced mix of coolness mixed with the rhythmic pattering of the raindrops. In other words, it was the perfect weather for eating Nice Cream ™, the frozen treat that warms your heart – at least that’s what it said on its sign.

Her treat didn’t warm her, but not that she wanted it to anyway. Making sure to get a blend of brash and strong flavors for hers, she ate enthusiastically, glad to know it had enough chocolate chips in it to be crunchy. Seated on the bench outside the parlor, she let the rain fall on her nice cream into a gooey mess.

Sans was seated next to her, his nice cream much more boring than hers. She noted that, along with his treat, the rain didn’t seem to reach him despite not being underneath any shade whatsoever. His jacket remained in its dry state, in contrast to her sopping wet one.

Papyrus was still inside the parlor, taking his time ordering his (and another one for Undyne), looking over every flavor for ‘delicious clues.’ She and Sans waited for him, eating their nice cream in silence.

“hey, thanks for treating us,” he said out of the blue.

She paused. “Yeah. And, uh, thanks for the weird shortcut through time and space to get here.”

“s’okay.” He pulled out a salt-shaker and shook it over his treat. Ew. “sure you would’ve done the same for me.”

This guy’s tone was setting her off – just a little.

Maybe she was being a jerk. Papyrus had turned out to be good, and she _guessed_ she went with sour first impressions a bit too quick sometimes. She could at least tell this guy cared for his brother. Minus the bad jokes he made, he seemed pretty harmless.

“so, how’s old fluffybuns doing these days?”

Undyne nearly choked on her nice cream. Chocolate chip had never tasted so sinful.

She turned to him, her voice tight. “What?”

“guy’s been looking down lately. and word on the street is that a family member or two recently left home.” Sans leaned back on the bench, his nice cream cone completely empty – not even a droplet in sight. “he’s always been a family man. must have been hard on him.”

_How did he-!?_

She recovered, eyeing him with her sole eye. “What makes you think I know anything about it?” She immediately winced. She’d mistakenly didn’t even try denying who Fluffybuns was.

He shrugged. “who knows more than his second-in-command?” Fuzzy pink slippers kicked back and forth, hanging off the bench. “or, ya know.”

She felt cold inside. And she was sure it had to do with more than just brain-freeze.

It was stupid of her to think that no one would find out, even though she had been so careful to keep the details of her past occupation hidden from everyone else. How did this guy know? Maybe Asgore _did_ send over someone?

“and i’d guess someone like ya must know another thing or two bout mr. family man. like, maybe he’s hiding a skeleton in his closet?” He actually _finger-gunned_ at her, making her inwardly groan. “ or, several of them really, if we’re going for accuracy here.”

Undyne knew smugness when she saw it, and Sans emitted that in his voice to nearly unbearable levels. She clenched her right hand, and did all she could to not shatter her nice cream cone to pieces.

“Are you blackmailing me?” she whispered dangerously.

Another shrug. “nah, that’s a lot of work. now that we’re friends though, sharing little stories between us is basically required.”

She bit down into her cone severely. “I don’t think so.”

“heh. come on.” He didn’t seem pleased. It was hard to tell, not with that smile of his and his lazy voice. But she had learned long before that such smiles always hid away the biggest lies. “i won’t judge you. promise.”

“Sorry,” she said, her tone sharp. “You don’t seem like to kind of guy who keeps his promises.”

The little skeleton was small and tubby – she was sure she could knock down this sorry bag of bones like he was nothing. But she had learned that, sometimes, it pays to _not_ get all fired up right away. Sometimes, it was better to wait, to strategize, and just see what danger lurks around the corner before jumping in.

Sans’ eyes were different. Not by much – she could still see the pupils in them. But they shrank by the tiniest, infinitesimal amount. For a moment, he didn’t look relaxed at all. His grin was unbearably tight.

“see right through me, don’t you?”

Even his _voice_ sounded different. Still in his tone, but slow, lingering, like the crawl of a shifting predator.

It made her wonder if maybe her suspicions about Asgore were all wrong.

“Yeah,” she said simply. She plopped the rest of her nice cream cone into her mouth, her canines tearing the crunchy bits to shreds. She then wiped away the crumbs from her hands onto her pants, focusing on the sound of her scales hitting the fabric, evenly spaced and loud in the rain-filled quiet.

She heard nothing from him.

With a smirk, she stretched out her legs, relieving any aches. “Look, what’s in my past is my business. And I don’t feel like telling some big palooka like you.  Just because you’re Papyrus’ brother doesn’t mean we’re best buddies now. I’m in his debt, not yours.” She stared out into the rain, holding out a hand towards it, already feeling invigorated. She’d faced worse things than this. Vague threats never led up to anything. Real tough guys take action, and to her, she figured Sans had never taken a definitive action in his life.

“So you do you, and I’ll do mine, and maybe we can exchange small talk once in a while, but that’s it. I’m not in the mood for anything else. Especially dealing with the weak-ass words from some skell.” She clenched her hand, her smile resembling something carnivorous. _“Got it?”_

She waited for more silence.

Instead she got, “yeah, sure.”

With a start, she turned, finding Sans already on his feet. His hands tucked deep into the pockets of his hoodie, nice cream cone conveniently out of existence. His pink slippers stood out brightly against the dreary sidewalk. She realized then just how out of place he looked. Like he didn’t belong, like he was just passing through and ready to jump through another shortcut into an entirely different world.

His skull swiveled over to her. Any hint of the menacing attitude from before was now completely gone. “whatever business you had was probably too _fishy_ for my taste. ”

There was no appropriate response that she could come up with. She settled with, “The heck kind of joke was that?”

“a bad one.” He shrugged. “my specialty. just one thing though. if you ever see anything that seems too fishy even for you, you should let me know.”

She restrained the urge to sigh. “Yeah, okay, why?”

He winked. It sent uncomfortable shivers through her scales. “never know when you’ll need a friend.”

With that, he went off, paying no heed to society’s rules and jaywalked through a street.

The door to the nice cream shop opened, sending a merry tingling sound that caught Undyne’s attention. Papyrus was there, holding two cones of nice cream topped with several flavors. The cones were wrapped in illustrations of hugs and various phrases that could all be summed up as ‘Believe in yourself!’

“HEY UNDYNE. YOU WANTED MORE STRAWBERRY, RIGHT?”

She took a quick glance to the street again, and yeah, of course Sans was gone. God dammit. Like she needed that headache around.

“Thanks for the extra, Papyrus.” She took the nice cream, being careful to balance it, although the rain was already turning it to sludge. She dimly wondered why they didn’t just eat inside…

Papyrus turned this way and that. “WHERE DID SANS GO?”

“…He just took off. Didn’t say anything to me.”

Papyrus sighed heavily. “OF COURSE. SANS ALWAYS GOES OFF ON HIS OWN AND NEVER TELLS ANYBODY ANYTHING.” He smiled widely. “I HOPE YOU TWO WILL BE THE GREATEST OF FRIENDS.”

“Um, me too.”

“SPEAKING OF FRIENDSHIP!” Papyrus suddenly flailed up his arms. “I GOT YOU A FRIENDSHIP GIFT.”

Undyne stared at what he held out to her. The object was magically laminated, keeping dry from the rain as water ran down its sides in rivulets. Across its surface was a written message, in cursive - ‘TO UNDYNE.’ It even had fish-shaped patterns decorated all across it, implying how Papyrus truly liked paying attention to details.

It was a notepad.

* * *

.

.

.

The street lamps stood out lonely against the clouded sky. Raindrops were revealed in their glare, only to disappear back into the darkness of the town. The nice cream parlor was another bright spot here, as bright as its sole proprietor; a blue bunny doling out his flavors with a smile, and sometimes even a hug. I could still taste the sweet goodness of their selection; a true testament to their skills, as skeletons such as myself don’t have any taste buds.

I stood within the parlor’s general area with my new friend, Undyne, at my side. She stared down at her new gift with obvious pleasure! As a fellow appreciator of the gumshoe lifestyle, I knew she would take the notepad to heart! I continued to fervently write down the surroundings with true private eye style, grizzledness brimming from my words. I made sure to angle down my hat and stand within the spotlight of one street lamp as the rain continued to pour. Drops pitter-pattered onto the sidewalk, their melancholy rhythm a song that only detectives such as myself could hear.

Undyne approached me, probably to join in my image! I’m not sure, Pap, I think these notepads are kind of dumb.

UNDYNE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WRITE ON YOUR OWN NOTEPAD.

Undyne held up her notepad showing off a drawing of herself with super muscled arms. “Writing words is boring! Just draw super buff pictures instead!”

“I ALREADY DO,” I kindly informed her. What detective didn’t?? “But these notepads are for recording your thoughts, to describe the dreary environment, and to wonder at the folly of man (and monster!)”

“Who has time for wimpy stuff like that!?” Then with a leap to me, she quickly sketched out a surprisingly accurate image of myself! With sunglasses and everything!

“WOWIE! THAT IS INDEED QUITE GOOD! I SUPPOSE INPUTTING PICTURES INTO OUR WRITTEN MONOLOGUES WOULD BE QUITE HELPFUL.”

Undyne flipped back her red hair, laughing. It was good to take pride in one’s own magnificent skills! She sobered soon after, looking down at the water-proof notepad, the raindrops keeping her sketches crisp and fresh.

“I mean, I guess if it’s important to ya,” Undyne said, her voice a bit quiet. “I’ll try out this diary-writing shtick.”

“THANK YOU, UNDYNE.  SOON YOU’LL BE AS GREAT OF A DETECTIVE AS I AM.”

Undyne stared at me (probably still dazed at my fashionable style!) before she shook her head and smiled. “You know what? I hope so, too, Pap.” She grinned. “Mind if I call ya Pap?”

“NOT AT ALL.” I looked toward my detective building, how it stood against the night’s shadows. I instantly found the window to my office there, with its blinds still rolled-up crookedly, and the ceiling fan still turning and turning, as this world continued to turn and turn with new and amazing cases every day.

“OH! I SHOULD HEAD BACK SOON. THE PHONE MUST DEFINITELY BE RINGING OFF THE HOOK BY NOW.”

I felt a brief tension in the air – nothing that was sinister, but one of excitement. I looked to my side to see Undyne also staring at the building. She must have had the same line of thinking as I did! How fantastic! How good it was to have a friend with the same, amazing interests as me!

She turned to face me with the widest grin I had ever witnessed. “Bet I can beat you there!” Immediately, Undyne dashed off, yelling triumphantly as she booked it through the rain, crossing through the middle of the street with no thought to oncoming traffic.

“N-NYEH?!” I stuttered but only a little bit! “DETECTIVES GIVE EACH OTHER A HEADS UP, YOU KNOW!” I chased after her by using the crosswalk, and waiting for the cross signal to appear on the other side. One must always follow the safety rules of these streets!

Undyne continued to laugh maniacally as she burst through the building’s door, ripping it from its hinges. It lay on its side, illuminated by the street lamps. I can see that I had quite a bit of work ahead of me in helping her become a true law-abiding detective! But I believed in me, as I believed in her!

Case closed!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sequel story to [Kidnappings in the Early Evening](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6985756/chapters/15918205) is currently being worked on by Sky. So expect it sometime in the future!


End file.
